Necklaces
by DireSphinx
Summary: Conversation piece. "You mean to tell me Shinichi's been stealing for four years!"


Inspiration: You're not gonna believe this. No seriously, you aren't. It's that far out in left field.

You wanna know? Really?

OK.

Shinichi the gansta rapper.

Oh, come on. You know the thought of Shinichi aka Detekta Rhymz makes you laugh. Imagine Shinichi in the huge hoodies, trucker hats and chains everywhere. Which then brings this question to mind: Where does he get all his necklaces? His mom? And thus the plunnie is born. (Granted, Shinichi the rapper does not make an appearance in this fic, but the question remains.)

See? Totally out of left field. Shinichi can't even sing to save his life! But rap might be a whole other ballgame...

I don't own Detective Conan. But gangsta Shinichi is all mine. -^.^-

* * *

"Yuusaku, I can't find my gold jewelry!"

"Again? Have you checked your jewelry box?"

"Of course I've checked my jewelry box! And my make-up box, hair kit, Louis Vuitton purses, Dior purses, Versace purses – it's gone!"

"My dear, jewelry does not just up and walk away. Where was the last place you remember having it?"

"Well, I remember wearing my golden chain with the crystal prism to the Impressionists art gala in Nagoya before we visited Shin-chan. And I wore my filigree cross pendant when I had lunch with Kisaki-san two weeks before we left Beika. But I never even wore my diamond necklace, and it's gone as well! What happened to it?"

"I've told you to keep a better eye on your jewelry. Do you realize how many necklaces you've lost over the past four years?"

"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me."

"Fifty-three. I don't understand how a woman can lose fifty-three necklaces, but apparently _you_ can."

"It's not like I lose them on purpose! They're there one minute then gone the next – it's like they just vanish into thin air."

"Yukiko, I'll just buy you another necklace. Don't fret so."

"I know, but it's the principal of the thing! You know how organized I am."

"Indeed. A perfectionist would have a hard time keeping up with you. Which is why this little inability of yours to hold onto anything shiny amuses me so."

"Glad I can make you laugh."

"Oh, don't be mad. Come on, let's go out and forget about this for a while. I know an Italian place around the corner that serves the best cannoli this side of the Atlantic. Perhaps when we come back, you'll find one in your Gucci purse."

"Ah, I haven't checked that purse yet!"

"Later dear, after dessert. Come on."

"You know I only put up with you because you're cute."

"And I've only stayed by your side for the wonderful view."

"I love you Yuu-chan."

"And I'm terribly fond of you as well Yukiko dear."

"Hey!"

"He he. Come now, the cannoli await."

"Bully."

"Guilty as charged."

"Fine, you win for now. But only for now, you understand?"

"Of course."

"And why do I always lose track of my jewelry whenever we visit Shin-chan?"

"I thought we agreed we weren't talking about this anymore."

"But why though?"

"Perhaps you should ask him yourself."

"Think he'd have any ideas?"

"Certainly, but as for whether they'll be helpful? I wouldn't bet on that."

"You don't think our son can find my missing jewelry?"

"Oh, I have every faith in our son's capabilities. My doubts reside in whether he would reveal his findings."

"Why wouldn't he tell me where my jewelry is?"

"I have my suspicions."

"_Yuusaku..._"

"Weren't we going for cannoli?"

"What do you know Yuusaku?"

"Nothing I'm willing to reveal at this moment in time."

"He hasn't been stealing my jewelry, has he?"

"..."

"What! You mean to tell me that all this time, Shin-chan's been swiping my jewelry? How could he?"

"I'm sure he has a good reason."

"So you admit it! He _has_ been stealing my jewelry. Ooh, he's in so much trouble! Now where's my phone, I've got a son to put in the dog house."

"Yukiko, think of the time difference."

"Are you standing up for your son?"

"No, I'm just trying to be respectful of the Mouris who would not appreciate being woken up at two in the morning."

"But he's been stealing! Stealing! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Well, certainly it's wrong, but if done for the proper motivation..."

"Proper motivation? What sort of proper motivation makes stealing okay?"

"Dear, for how long have you been losing necklaces?"

"Four years."

"And that would put Shinichi at what age?"

"Fourteen."

"When did Shinichi admit to having his first crush?"

"Fourte – wait, you think Shinichi's been stealing my necklaces for his girlfriends?"

"Well, not girlfriends, more like one girl."

"_Which_ girl?"

"What other girl is there?"

"_Ran?_ You think he's been swiping my necklaces for _Ran_? Then why haven't I seen any of them on the girl? She'd look great in gold."

"I don't think he's quite worked up the nerve to give them to her yet."

"So you're saying that our son has been stealing my jewelry to give to a girl for four years, and it's all just sitting in some box under his bed because _he can't work up the nerve_?"

"In the left-hand bottom corner of his closet actually, but yes, that is what I surmise."

"And you've known about this for _how_ long?"

"Four years."

"Why haven't you told me anything about this?"

"I like buying you jewelry. Your face just lights up with each new piece."

"Well...that's no excuse for keeping secrets from me! And I still have to give Shin-chan hell."

"Of course dear."

"...But he's been gathering _my_ jewelry to give to Ran? _Mine_?"

"Yes dear."

"...At least he has good tastes."

"That's what I told him."

"But wouldn't the whole "It's my mom's" stigmata stop him? He'd be giving Ran _Mom_ jewelry. Doesn't that sound kinda sad?"

"Yes, but maybe he had no other alternative."

"No other alternative? What other alternative isn't there?"

"Well, I certainly couldn't let him steal the neighbor's jewels. Tacky, irridescent junk. Better I make him steal from you than anyone else."

"What!?!"

"..."

"Yuusaku! Are you telling me you're the instigator behind this?"

"I plead the fifth."

"How could you convince Shin-chan to do such a thing?"

"Elementary, my dear."

"I don't know if I want to be your dear."

"He was going to buy Ran a necklace - "

"And you talked him out of it?"

"- from _Hot Topic_."

"Hot Topic?"

"Choker. Rhinestones. Red Leather. Big shiny stainless steel buckle in the front."

"Oh dear."

"He didn't see anything wrong with it."

"_Nooooo._"

"_Yes_. I had to stop him."

"So your solution was stealing?"

"No, my solution was to try another store. Second necklace: sterling silver, adjustable length, exchangeable pendants."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"Pink unicorns."

"Pink unicorns?"

"Pink unicorns."

"I could see where that would be a problem."

"And it was the same thing, over and over. He'd go to some shop, find a necklace, ask for my opinion, and he'd have in his hands the most gaudy, frightening piece of jewelry imaginable. After the tenth episode, I just frankly told him to steal your jewelry. I'd buy you replacements if he'd just stop trying."

"It was that bad?"

"Be thankful you never had to see the dominatrix Hello Kitty."

"I think I am. But how could this happen? I'm a world-renowned actress, you're a best-selling author. Both of us have impeccable fashion sense. Where did we go wrong?"

"Jewelry shopping must be a gift."

"How do you screw up buying jewelry? You go in, find something pretty, and you buy it. It's not that hard."

"I don't understand how he screws up as badly as he does as well. Perhaps he has such a swollen head his fashion sense was snuffed out?"

"Oh Yuusaku, don't say such things about your son."

"Even if it's the truth?"

"Especially then! Gods, what am I going to do with the boy?"

"Let him keep stealing your jewelry?"

"I can't let him think he's getting away with this!"

"And I can't let him in good conscience go fifty feet into a jewelry boutique! He'd tarnish the Kudo name!"

"_Tarnish the Kudo name?_"

"I've never told you this, but I'm quite revered in certain circles for my gem critiques. If word were to get out my son couldn't tell the difference between a two hundred yen toy accessory and a fifty million yen sapphire pendant, I'd be ruined. Then I couldn't buy you those chocolate pearls you like so much."

"But stealing is wrong! I have to punish him somehow!"

"Think of who you're really punishing. Do you want to see Ran one day wearing a neon green disco ball? Or a beaded stretch necklace filled with Sherlock Holmes quotes? Or how about some strange cross between a dead fox and a chicken choker? Because I've seen some of his choices, and I can't let that happen. She doesn't deserve such torment."

"But what about my necklaces?"

"Silly. I'll just keep buying you more."

"What if I really like my necklaces?"

"I'll tell Shinichi they're off limits."

"That works?"

"It's the reason why all your platinum jewelry hasn't been touched."

"That, and Ran would look better in gold tones?"

"That too."

"So you're just gonna keep buying me jewelry for Shinichi to pilfer for the rest of your life?"

"That's the plan, yes."

"What'll happen when we pass on and Shinichi's left to fend for himself?"

"I plan to buy in bulk when that time nears and store everything in a safe for him to cart away one piece at a time."

"And if his son has the same bad luck?"

"Well by then, I should be dead and cremated so I can't roll over in my grave."

"How much is it costing you to give Shinichi my jewelry?"

"Not as much as you would assume. I set up a payment system with him to vouch for the necklaces, and every month he puts in a deposit. Shinichi's honest enough that if he can't make a payment he won't swipe a necklace."

"So he's not _really_ stealing my necklaces?"

"Not really."

"Well good! I'd hate to have to compare my son to the Kaitou Kid."

"Except the Kaitou Kid has impeccable tastes in gems."

"And a rather daring fashion sense. It certainly makes a statement."

"No one could call Kaitou Kid a faux pas."

"While I can't remember how many times a coworker has sniggered about Shin-chan's suit and bow tie. A bow tie! He'd look so much better without the tie!"

"Dear, we can't all be the Kaitou Kid."

"Can you imagine how horrified Shin-chan'd be if he knew we were comparing him to the Kaitou Kid?"

"He he."

"I see you smiling. Gods, it's so much fun to tease him! Perhaps I should hint about my missing necklaces and hear him sweat. He does assume I know nothing, correct?"

"Correct."

"Good. That'll make this so much more enjoyable. Is it wrong to get so much amusement from tormenting children?"

"I think parents have been keeping themselves sane by driving their children nuts for years."

"Hmm, wonder when I should call? Certainly not right now, no that wouldn't do at all. But I should call when Ran's around, listen to his voice squeak from embarrassment. Oooh, this'll be so much fun! But what am I supposed to do until then?"

"If I might make a suggestion?"

"Certainly."

"I know of this lovely Italian place around the corner with cannoli to die for. Care to join me, my dear?"

"Cannoli, hmm? Why my good sir, I do believe you have discovered my weakness."

"And perhaps after a carafe of cappuccino, you might be interested in a little window shopping? I hear the stores are widely acclaimed for their emerald and topaz collections."

"I might be inclined if the company remembers my fondness for stick pendants."

"I wouldn't forget for the world."

"And it won't be disappearing from my clutches in two months?"

"On my honor my lady, your emeralds are yours."

"Then what are we standing around here for? Yuusaku, my cannoli await!"

* * *

Dedicated to my mom. Sure, she won't read this, but it's Mother's Day. She deserves mad props. And the torment idea is all her. I can't wait until I get to screw with my own kids. (And not like that! What kind of sick people are you?)


End file.
